Funny Quotes

The Postmodernists' tyranny wears people down by boredom and semi-literate prose.

Christopher Hitchens

I've decided to call him Norbert,' said Hagrid, looking at the dragon with misty eyes. 'He really knows me now, watch. Norbert! Norbert! Where's Mummy?''He's lost his marbles,' Ron muttered in Harry's ear.'Hagrid,' said Harry loudly, 'give it a fortnight and Norbert's going to be as big as your house. Malfoy could go to Dumbledore at any moment.Hagrid bit his lip.'I- I know I can't jus' dump him, I can't.'Harry suddenly turned to Ron.'Charlie,' he said.'You're losing it too,' said Ron. 'I'm Ron, remember?

J.K. Rowling

JACKYour duty as a gentleman calls you back. ALGERNONMy duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree.

Oscar Wilde

Gotta stay in the gym, stay funny, stay sharp. I just love working.

Marlon Wayans

I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdinilocking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph ofNorman Rockwell beating up a child.

Steven Wright

I love Mikhail Bulgakov. He is very original and takes the story to unexpected places. I didn't realise political writing could be so funny.

Denise Mina

It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals.

Craig Bruce

My parents are very funny when they have to deal with anything racy or off-color. They usually pretend they don't speak English.

Margaret Cho

My neighbor has a circular driveway... He can't get out.

Steven Wright

Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?Yes.You called her a liar?Yes.You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?Yes.Have a biscuit, Potter.

J.K. Rowling

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights.I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Steven Wright

Very often, I don't make it through moments of recording because it is genuinely funny and absolutely ridiculous that a 60-year-old grown man is making these noises.

David Ogden Stiers

It's funny, having the same name as someone. Me, Emma Watson and Emma Stone, the amount of times I've been called Emma Watson or Emma Stone is so funny. It's just 'cause we're all named Emma. None of us look alike.

Emma Roberts

What's funny is that the idea of popularity - even the use of the word 'popular' - is something that had been mostly absent from my life since junior high. In fact, the hallmark of life after junior high seemed to be the shedding of popularity as a central concern.

Susan Orlean

But I think Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really got that thing where, if a movie reads really funny and then has some dramatic or violent or sinister stuff in it, you can't forget that primarily it has to be even funnier than you read it or that other stuff doesn't work.

Robert Downey, Jr.

But with comedy it's a simple premise. If it's funny, people laugh. If it's not, they don't.

Steve Coogan

It's funny how making odd noises can get you into strange situations sometimes.

Eric San

I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.

Jerry Lewis

I knew a girl that was so ugly that... I bent down to pet her cat only to find that it was the hair on her legs.

Rodney Dangerfield

I show them the funny part, the silly part, the laughing part, the crazy part and then the really deep, deep part where I'm talking from my heart to these people. Because I've been through everything they've been through.

Richard Simmons