Funny Quotes

If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.

Mark Twain

It is a State of Mind... and am the president

ken carlson N

The hippo of recollection stirred in the muddy waters of the mind.

Terry Pratchett

At best he read popular science magazines like the Scientific American he had now, to keep himself up-to-date, in layman's terms, with physics generally. But even then his concentration was marred, for a lifetime's habit made him inconveniently watchful for his own name. He saw it as if in bold. It could leap out at him from an unread double page of small print, and sometimes he could sense it coming before the page turn.

Ian Mcewan

When did swearing become so easy? You still would never swear in front of your parents or most adults, but when you're with your friends it's like every fifth word. Why couldn't learning Spanish be that easy?

Charles Benoit

The face of a truly happy man seldom lacks smiles.

Ogwo David Emenike

I actually like how doctors talk. I like the sound of science. I like how words you don't understand explain things you can't understand.

R.J. Palacio

Many years ago I was so innocent I still considered it possible that we could become the humane and reasonable America so many members of my generation used to dream of. We dreamed of such an America during the Great Depression, when there were no jobs. And then we fought and often died for that dream during the Second World War, when there was no peace.But I know now that there is not a chance in hell of America becoming humane and reasonable. Because power corrupts us, and absolute power corrupts us absolutely. Human beings are chimpanzees who get crazy drunk on power. By saying that our leaders are power-drunk chimpanzees, am I in danger of wrecking the morale of our soldiers fighting and dying in the Middle East? Their morale, like so many lifeless bodies, is already shot to pieces. They are being treated, as I never was, like toys a rich kid got for Christmas.

Kurt Vonnegut

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

Rodney Dangerfield

Movies these days have made killers into funny people. What's that all about? I've got kids and family and friends, and I don't like bad things. I don't think they're funny, and it's irresponsible to make movies that don't show you how that's not good.

Billy Bob Thornton

When life's got you down, keep your head up... you can't see the ground anyway

Nicole Rae

What a mean kid too. Why he puts krazy glue in my preparation H.

Rodney Dangerfield

We will meet; and there we may rehearse mostobscenely and courageously.Shakespeare, Midsummer Night's Dream. Spoken by Bottom, Act I Sc. 2

William Shakespeare

Historical Re-creation, he thought glumly, as they picked their way across, under, over or through the boulders and insect-buzzing heaps of splintered timber, with streamlets running everywhere. Only we do it with people dressing up and running around with blunt weapons, and people selling hot dogs, and the girls all miserable because they can only dress up as wenches, wenching being the only job available to women in the olden days.

Terry Pratchett

There is a monsterous deal of stupid quizzing

Jane Austen

There is nothing funny about a well-adjusted, intelligent person making the right choices.

Tim Heidecker

...If you'd like to go back in there and try kicking him, I recommend aiming upward and a bit to the left--

Cassandra Clare

It's funny to be a critic.

Leslie Fiedler

If I'm in something funny, I like to try and find some kind of serious line in it that people can relate to.

Ron Livingston

I love Charlie, Billy Burke's character. Writing for him is so spectacular, he's so funny and wry and every scene he's in he just takes. There's a scene in 'Eclipse' where Bella tells him she's a virgin, and it's the funniest, most awkward scene I've ever seen on film.

Melissa Rosenberg