Browse through our collection of quotes tagged with Funny.
She looked at my calendar and wanted to know who JUNE was.
Rodney Dangerfield
Got a bout of doubt? Breathe.
Magdalena VandenBerg
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Steven Wright
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
And pictures of perfection, as you know, make me sick and wicked.
Jane Austen
Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie. (Jace Wayland)
Cassandra Clare
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I refuse to put God into a little box I can handle, for that would insult us both.
L.M. Fields
People are so cheap. Everyone wants quality, no one wants to pay for it. Here's the suburban dream-- to hire great workers who are such meek morons that they don't have the guts to ask for a living wage.
Joan Bauer
The bigotry of the nonbeliever is for me nearly as funny as the bigotry of the believer.
Albert Einstein
Of course, he didn't know anything about these Indonesians, or why they would have been there at this moment to save his life, but the fact that they had guns and weren't firing them at him implied that for the moment, at least, they were his dearest friends.
Orson Scott Card
You can’t succeed coming to the potluck with only a fork.
Dave Liniger
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
Dennis Miller
Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw.It was its tendency to bend at the knees.
Terry Pratchett
It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body.
Satchel Paige
Deal with him, Hemingway!
James Joyce
How art thou out of breath when thou hast breathTo say to me that thou art out of breath?
William Shakespeare
We did it, we bashed them wee Potter's the one, and Voldy's gone moldy, so now let's have fun!
J.K. Rowling
