Funny Quotes

Why can't I go to Idris with you, then?Because it's not safe for you thereO and it's safe for me here? I've been nearly killed almost a dozen times in the past month.That's because Valentine has been concentrating on the two Mortal Instruments that were here. He's going to shift his focus to Idris now. We all know it--We're hardly as certain of anything as all that. And the Clave wants to meet Clarissa. You know that, Jace.The Clave can screw itself.

Cassandra Clare

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks.

Caroline Rhea

I hated sports. I hated sports, and I hated people who played them, and I hated people who watched them, and I hated people who didn't hate people who watched or played them.

John Green

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit.

Steven Wright

The fans of 'The Hunger Games,' of the book, are very passionate. It's funny: Even at my concerts there are people holding up 'Cinna' signs.

Lenny Kravitz

But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.

Kathy Griffin

I think it's always funny when you see kids do Shakespeare.

Steve Coogan

The funny thing is the songs that people think are about me probably aren't. And the songs that are probably are the ones they wouldn't think... so that's where it kind of is funny.

LeAnn Rimes

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

Yogi Berra

On the stage you're there, it's live. There's a beginning, a middle, an end. When something is funny you hear it right away.

Theodore Bikel

Comedians don't laugh. They're too busy analyzing why it's funny or not.

James Lipton

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

Steven Wright

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

Ronald Reagan

Oh, there you are, Albus,' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?''No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns.

J.K. Rowling

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

Rodney Dangerfield

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.

Kurt Vonnegut

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

Bill Hicks

Blameless people are always the most exasperating.

George Eliot

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

Mae West

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

Joe Rogan