Funny Quotes

I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'

Louis C. K.

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

Flip Wilson

It's funny that there was so much disturbance about having a Catholic in the White House with Kennedy, and when we finally get a religion in the White House that's causing a lot of conflicts, and concerns, and disturbances for a lot of people, it's in the Bush Administration.

Roger Ebert

The great thing is that the funny side of getting old is fuel for my comedy.

Steve Coogan

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx

It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music.

Tom Petty

It's funny because 'The Book of Mormon' is 'The Book of Mormon' now. When I was doing it at the very beginning, and I was a part of it for four years and always believed in it, I never really knew if it was going to be more than a convention for 'South Park' fans.

Josh Gad

When you are not treated seriously, you develop comically. Its sense of oneself is so fractured and fragile that it's like the picked-on kid who has to become funny.

Scott Thompson

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

Mitch Hedberg

I love a smart, well-written show, and '30 Rock,' well, you can't get any better than that. Tina Fey poos funny. There's nothing that she does that isn't funny. That show is an example of how brilliant she is. It's so smart. They've done some brilliant commentary about the 'Housewives' with 'Queen of Jordan,' their show-within-the-show.

Andy Cohen

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.

Calvin Trillin

Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons.

Michael Caine

You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am.

Rush Limbaugh

Never floss with a stranger.

Joan Rivers

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking.

Lynda Barry

Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate bars, and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that, through a combination of Nutella, old pals and Barbra Streisand, we can achieve happiness and, very probably, world peace.

Beth Ditto

If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.

Richard Russo

There are so many funny women in the world, and there has been for so many years, so I'll be happy when people can just move on from that, and things can just be 'comedies' and not 'female' or 'male,' and everyone gets an equal opportunity.

Kristen Wiig

I took 'P.S. I Love You' thinking it was going to be a little funny, and I ended up crying every day on that film.

Hilary Swank