Funny Quotes

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

Terry Pratchett

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

Don Rickles

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

Bette Davis

In my circle of friends, I've always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don't want the spotlight on me.

Rosie Perez

But, sooner or later I'd love to do a comedy. I mean I think that, you know, people don't think that that's in my wheelhouse because I've sort of played a lot of dramatic stuff and that's certainly a side of myself that I want at some point in the right context, in the right stuff, that I find really funny.

Matthew Fox

I have funny bones. If there's ever any kind of tension, I'll always be the one to try and be funny to loosen things up.

Matt LeBlanc

I really wanted to just be a musician. I didn't want to be anything else, but I was funny and all that.

Jamie Foxx

I know people will think it's funny because I've done glamour modelling in the past, but I felt embarrassed about my body and just wanted to cover it up.

Jennifer Ellison

It's a required part of your film history to know who Woody is. His movies are so wonderful, and not just funny but so insightful about human behavior.

Scarlett Johansson

It's funny, because I never think of myself as Little Miss All-Together.

Courteney Cox

I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.

Charlie Sheen

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

Jeff Ross

It's so funny when you're actually directing because things start popping that you don't expect to pop, and something that you think is going to pop, maybe doesn't quite have the impetus that you thought it might.

Stephen Moyer

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

Bill Cosby

I find it very easy playing Bond. I think he's hilarious. He gets himself into some extraordinarily funny situations.

Daniel Craig

I'm one of those hovering mothers and I know it's really important to have an independent child, so I'm trying to back off, but it's hard. I love him so much, and he's so funny and cute to me.

Selma Blair

There's always an article coming out, saying, 'The new thing is funny women!'

Lena Dunham

Sometimes I think what I write is funny in its quiet way.

Doris Lessing

I'm just not one of those naturally funny, relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it.

Heath Ledger

I think serial monogamy says it all.

Tracey Ullman