Humor Quotes

We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you

Greg Behrendt

I have never met any really wicked person before. I feel rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like every one else.

Oscar Wilde

We lay there and looked up at the night sky and she told me about stars called blue squares and red swirls and I told her I'd never heard of them. Of course not, she said, the really important stuff they never tell you. You have to imagine it on your own.

Brian Andreas

All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money.

RuPaul

I never talk back. I listen and always remember your every word, so come pen or mouse, never forget that I will treasure your thoughts forever. Yours truly, Paper.

L.M. Fields

If I can't be remembered as one of the greatest authors, why not be remembered as the sexiest writer...

Hans Lindor

Please, touch me, I pray.

Jess C. Scott

All life is in vain, for Death makes a nonsense of pain.

Gasmaskman

When a man isn't married, it takes all the excitement out of the relationship. When a man is married, he just gets clingy and wants to leave his wife for you. That is why the only satisfying love affair a woman can have is with a boy. A boy on the cusp of manhood offers heterogeneous possibilities for monogamous adultery.

Bauvard

I'm not trouble at all. I'm just a guy trying to get a girl to give him the time of day. I'm like every song on the radio.

Hailey Abbott

Women are constantly trying to commit suicide for love, but generally they take care not to succeed.

W. Somerset Maugham

What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?

Charles M. Schulz

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.

Lemony Snicket

I shouldn't believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.

Jasper Fforde

For someone who'e smarter than a supercomputer, sometimes you're a real idiot.

Gordon Korman

Menurut survei: selain narik becak dan gali kubur, pekerjaan mengkhayal dan menulis ternyata juga butuh asupan kalori tinggi. (Perahu Kertas)

Dee

Fuck rational thought

George Carlin

I walk up and down the rows. The heads look like rubber halloween masks. They also look like human heads, but my brain has no precedent for human heads on tables or in roasting pans or anywhere other than on top of a human bodies, and so I think it has chosen to interpret the sight in a more comforting manner. - Here we are at the rubber mask factory. Look at the nice men and woman working on the masks.

Mary Roach

I have a thing for evil bald bad guys. The Kurgan is too sexy.

Ernest Cline

As someone who grew up in the Bronx, I certainly learned my share of four-letter words, but none are more powerful than nice.

Linda Kaplan Thaler