Humor Quotes

Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you.

Salman Aditya

That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale.

E.A. Bucchianeri

Also unfortunately, Congress is far too busy asking if baseball players are really as strong as they seem and trying to choke bankers with wads of cash to grant more funds to such trifling matters as the avoidance of space bullets, so they won't give NASA the money

Robert Brockway

I want to take ye to bed. In my bed. And I mean to spend the rest of the day thinking what to do wit ye once I got ye there. So wee Archie can just go and play at marbles with his bollucks, aye?

Diana Gabaldon

Life's a shit sandwich, my ass. Life's a polka and don't you forget it!

Wally Lamb

You cannot discover new oceans until you are willing to lose sight of the shore.

Sharon Leaf

You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story.

Barney Stinson

I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen.

Gary Larson

I don't like it when I outweigh my men.

Patricia Briggs

She's SINGLE doesnt really mean she's AVAILABLE.She's IN A RELATIONSHIP doesnt really mean she's NOT INTERESTED.She's ENGAGED doesnt really mean IT'S OVER.IT'S JUST COMPLICATED untill she's MARRIED!

Emmanuel Aghado

If humor and rumor are needed more than faith and truth, then it tells me something about the kind of world we live today.

Toba Beta

Love is as old as time, though it is considerably more difficult to stuff inside a watch.

Jarod Kintz

Even though its common knowledge these days, it never ceases to amaze me that all the richness of our mental life - all our feelings, our emotions, our thoughts, our ambitions, our love life, our religious sentiments and even what each of us regards us his own intimate private self - is simply the activity of these little specks of jelly in your head, in your brain. There is nothing else.

V.S. Ramachandran

There is no animal more invincible than a woman,

Loretta Chase

We men are fascinated by the things we don't really understand. It gives us something to think and talk about: like females, they drive us nuts.

Criss Jami

There is truth in wine, but you never see it listed in the ingredients on the label

Josh Stern

My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.

Ellen DeGeneres

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can break hearts.

Tim Minchin

Do you remember his science project, Harry Sue, on the trajectory of spitballs? I tell you, that modest little display taught our students more about physics than I could accomplish in a weeklong unit at the middle school

Sue Stauffacher

Books are to me as homemade tattoos are to an inmate. Can't get enough of them.

Laurie Notaro