Humor Quotes

Don't be stupid, it's a flying house!

J.K. Rowling

From sixteen to twenty, all women, kept in humor by their hopes and by their attractions, appear to be good-natured.

Samuel Richardson

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Albert Einstein

Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not.

Vaclav Havel

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Albert Einstein

He reached up t0 grab one and came down with several, and they kept coming, washing over him, floating all around him. Never have tampon strings seemed so beautiful as they rolled up and down with the wind, landing on the ground and then twirling and floating up again, falling and rising and falling and rising.

John Green

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

Oscar Wilde

I've got a great sense of humor.

Anthony Hopkins

The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn't sure it was worth all the effort.

Terry Pratchett

I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sunwouldn't rise.

Steven Wright

I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it's more of a large and tastfully decorated foyer than a threshold. But I do get easily bored

Cassandra Clare

I have seen many cases like N. during the five years I've been in practice. I sometimes picture these unfortunates as men and women being pecked to death by predatory birds. The birds are invisible - at least until a psychiatrist who is good, or lucky, or both, sprays them with his version of Luminol and shines the right light on them - but they are nevertheless very real. The wonder is that so many OCDs manage to live productive lives, just the same. They work, they eat (often not enough or too much, it's true), they go to movies, they make love to their girlfriends and boyfriends, their wives and husbands . . . and all the time those birds are there, clinging to them and pecking away little bits of flesh.

Stephen King

I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick.

J.K. Rowling

To the champ, everything is serious business. I'm hoping that he'll live long enough to learn that in this world that is a very dangerous attitude.

Stephen King

Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.

Washington Irving

I'm going to do a lot of weird stuff that's not going to be like me prancing around like an insane 12-year-old. I showed everybody that side of me and I think it's time to do different stuff, even when it comes down to the type of humor. I want to do some drier, weirder stuff.

Andy Milonakis

Good taste and humor are a contradiction in terms, like a chaste whore.

Malcolm Muggeridge

Humor results when society says you can't scratch certain things in public, but they itch in public.

Tom Walsh

She was the most wonderful woman for prowling about the house. How she got from one story to another was a mystery beyond solution. A lady so decorous in herself, and so highly connected, was not to be suspected of dropping over the banisters or sliding down them, yet her extraordinary facility of locomotion suggested the wild idea.

Charles Dickens

Judge of a jest when you have done laughing.

William Lloyd