Humor Quotes

There is always some frivolity in excellent minds; they have wings to rise, but also stray.

Joseph Joubert

The absolute truth is the thing that makes people laugh

Carl Reiner

Be simple in words, manners, and gestures. Amuse as well as instruct. If you can make a man laugh, you can make him think and make him like and believe you.

Alfred E. Smith

Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.

J.K. Rowling

In my opinion, I think sarcasm and humor in a song, without turning it into a novelty song, is really charming.

Alanis Morissette

Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!

J.K. Rowling

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...

Steven Wright

Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all.

John Kenneth Galbraith

It is quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humor, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance.

David Herbert Lawrence

Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing in the world is power without humor.

Eric Sevareid

Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.

Terry Pratchett

People with no humor, they're outta my life.

Patti LaBelle

My house is made out of balsa wood. When no one is home across the street, except the little kids, I out and lift my house up over my head. I tell them to stay out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

Steven Wright

I bought a house, on a oneway deadend road; I don't know how I got there.

Steven Wright

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.

Rodney Dangerfield

It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying.

Terry Pratchett

Though the doctors treated him, let his blood, and gave him medications to drink, he nevertheless recovered.

Leo Tolstoy

I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great Uncle fought for the west!

Rodney Dangerfield

There are psychological repercussions to illness and we need a little more help to get through the effects not only on the afflicted but on the family. And I think there's even a place for humor in that.

Alan Thicke

There are many good inventions on earth, some useful, some pleasing: for their sake, the earth is to be loved. And there is such a variety of well-invented things that the earth is like the breasts of a woman: useful as well as pleasing.

Friedrich Nietzsche