Humour Quotes

Our Euripides the human,With his droppings of warm tears,and his touchings of things common Till they rose to meet the spheres.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.Good things come to those who wait.

Jess C. Scott

Very sweetly, he always told her he loved her just the way she was. Although, honestly he had no idea. She shuddered to think what she would really look like if she stopped waxing, plucking, highlighting, manicuring, applying make-up anddressing with care and concentration.

Carmen Reid

After all, what else is scientific enquiry of any sort other than a controlled version of banging one's head against the universe until something gives?

Tom Holt

Many people find bald, unvarnished truths so disturbing, they prefer to ram their heads in the sand and start dreaming at the first sign of scientific reality.

Charlie Brooker

Oh, measure it all out! Acceptable levels of misery and suffering!' The cane swung down, thumped hard on the ground. 'Acceptable? Who the fuck says any level is acceptable? What sort of mind thinks that?'Karsa grinned, 'Why, a civilized one.''Indeed!' Shadowthrone turned to Cotillion. 'And you doubted this one!

Steven Erikson

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Anne Frank

Tiffany knew what the problem was immediately. She'd seen it before, atbirthday parties. Her brother was suffering from tragic sweetdeprivation. Yes, he was surrounded by sweets. But the moment he took anysweet at all, said his sugar-addled brain, that meant he was not takingall the rest. And there were so many sweets he'd never be able to eatthem all. It was too much to cope with. The only solution was to burstinto tears.

Terry Pratchett

I don't need to travel back in time to cause trouble. back through time finds me trouble enough!

A.A. Bell

Good people left me breathless and wondering. How had they got that way? How good were they, anyway? How would it feel to be good? Then I hit middle age and suddenly I wanted to be a better person and to know that I was living a good life.

Judith O'Reilly

Umgangsformen sind Formen, die zunehmend umgangen werden.

Oliver Hassencamp

It's not that I want to work for Williams-Sonoma, , it's just that you guys have the money and I don't.

FAXBoy

For the moment we might very well can them DUNNOS (for Dark Unknown Nonreflective Nondetectable Objects Somewhere).

Bill Bryson

We took a bus to the nearby monastery of one of the last great Tang dynasty Chan masters, Yun-men. Yun-men was known for his pithy one word Zen. When asked What is the highest teaching of the Buddha? he replied: An appropriate statement. On another occasion, he answered: Cake. I admired his directness.

Stephen Batchelor

I like you but you mightn't feel the same way about me, and I wouldn't blame you. To save us both from any awkward moments I've figured out an easy way to do this. Nod if you're even slightly interested in getting to know me. Write a ten page explanation if you're not.

Bill Condon

She was every inch the skeletal goddess that had been promised by the bones of her feet.

Jefferson Smith

If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!

Terry Pratchett

Don Pedro - (...)'In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.'Benedick - The savage bull may, but if ever the sensible Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns and set them in my forehead, and let me be vildly painted; and in such great letters as they writes, 'Here is good horse for hire', let them signify under my sign, 'Here you may see Benedick the married man.

William Shakespeare

Some people have great ides maybe once or twice in their life and then they discover electricity or fire or outer or something. I mean the kind of brilliant ideas that change the whole world. Some people never have them at all... I get them two or three times a week.

Neil Gaiman

What would the new teacher, representing France, teach us? Railroading? No. France knows nothing valuable about railroading. Steamshipping? No. France has no superiorities over us in that matter. Steamboating? No. French steamboating is still of Fulton's date--1809. Postal service? No. France is a back number there. Telegraphy? No, we taught her that ourselves. Journalism? No. Magazining? No, that is our own specialty. Government? No; Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, Nobility, Democracy, Adultery the system is too variegated for our climate. Religion? No, not variegated enough for our climate. Morals? No, we cannot rob the poor to enrich ourselves.

Mark Twain