Humour Quotes

- Where is Polonius?- In heaven; send hither to see: if your messenger find him not there, seek him i' the other place yourself.

William Shakespeare

Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.

Eoin Colfer

We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.

Douglas Adams

Nothing great is ever accomplished by following standards.

Geoffroy Birtz

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

Dale Carnegie

Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw.It was its tendency to bend at the knees.

Terry Pratchett

Historical Re-creation, he thought glumly, as they picked their way across, under, over or through the boulders and insect-buzzing heaps of splintered timber, with streamlets running everywhere. Only we do it with people dressing up and running around with blunt weapons, and people selling hot dogs, and the girls all miserable because they can only dress up as wenches, wenching being the only job available to women in the olden days.

Terry Pratchett

I don't care how much you eat, Ender, self-cannibalism won't get you out of this school.

Orson Scott Card

Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was.Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid.

Terry Pratchett

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Robert Orben

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

Rodney Dangerfield

A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.

George Bernard Shaw

If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander.

Terry Pratchett

We Hoosiers are excessively optimistic about summer.

John Green

Sometime later the islanders on a little rimward atoll were amazed to find, washed into their little local lagoon, the wave-rocked corpse of a hideous sea monster, all beaks, eyes and tentacles. They were further astonished at its size, since it was rather larger than their village. But their surprise was tiny compared to the huge, stricken expression on the face of the dead monster, which appeared to be have been trampled to death.

Terry Pratchett

Road to hell is paved with unbought stuffed dogs.

Ernest Hemingway

There was a piece of ornamental water immediately below the parapet, on the other side, into which Mr. James Harthouse had a very strong inclination to pitch Mr. Thomas Gradgrind Junior.

Charles Dickens

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

Kurt Vonnegut

Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.

Oscar Wilde

Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?

J.K. Rowling