Funny Quotes

The only thing set in stone are dumb quotes and names of dead people. Everything else is subject to change.

Kimberly Spencer

Men are not potatoes!

Robert A. Heinlein

Friends are like bras, attached near your heart for support. Foes are like panties, deported, every now and then, when they get dirty.

Santosh Kalwar

Don't Stop Believing

Journey

Hey, A-D-D, she called out to Claire, come over and try these on.

Kimberly Derting

Instantly, the pair fell to groping one other as if each had puff the magic dragon at a rock concert in Woodstock.

Tai Odunsi

I didn't see myself as the busty type. Too bad bodies are issued randomly, not selected to match your personality

Phoebe Kitanidis

You make me smile like the sun, fall out bed, sing like a bird, dizzy in my head. Spin like a record crazy on a sunday night. You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breath, shine like the sun buzz like a bee, just the thought of you can drive me wild. Oh you make me smile. -Uncle Kracker-

Uncle Kracker

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Groucho Marx

If no one ever deviated from currently accepted mainstream Science - we would still have the Flat Earth Society!

Mary Nash Stoddard

Fingerprints are like values--you leave them all over everything you do

Elvis Presley

The Search for Truth is a homeless vagrant who begs for food and gathers enough spare change for malt liquor.

Bauvard

I applied for your love like a recent MBA grad might apply at Walmart today. I grew a beard on my chest and laughed through my ass just to get your attention.

Jarod Kintz

Male egos require constant stroking. Every task is an achievement, every success epic. That is why women cook, but men are chefs: we make cheese on toast, they produce .

Belle de Jour

Justin, honey, you were my very first kiss. My very first hand to hold. But you were nothing more than an average guy. And I don't say that to be mean- I don't. There was just something about you that made me need to be your girlfriend to this day I don't know exactly what that was. But it was there.. and it was amazingly strong. -Thirteen Reasons Why

Jay Asher

Real men don't lift weights, they lift women.

Every male ballet dancer

laughing is good. so long as you are not insulting anyone.

A Gentlemen

He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.?

Jarod Kintz

I long for your love like the length of a midget.

Jarod Kintz

One day, on tearing off some old bark, I saw two rare beetles, and seized one in each hand. Then I saw a third and new kind, which I could not bear to lose, so I popped the one which I held in my right hand into my mouth. Alas! it ejected some intensely acrid fluid, which burnt my tongue so that I was forced to spit the beetle out, which was lost, as was the third one.

Charles Darwin