Funny Quotes

I like you but you mightn't feel the same way about me, and I wouldn't blame you. To save us both from any awkward moments I've figured out an easy way to do this. Nod if you're even slightly interested in getting to know me. Write a ten page explanation if you're not.

Bill Condon

As a five-year-old in Berlin in 1965, I didn't know that funny women existed. It wasn't until I got back to England that I realised women could be funny.

Jenny Eclair

We must eschew anything trivial. We must embrace all that is frivolous.... Trivial things take up all your time and dull your senses, whereas frivolity is meaningful, profound, worth living and dying for.... If we devote our lives to frivolity, the world will be a far, far better place. Humanity will be better able to fulfill its primary goal, that of having a good time.

Cynthia Heimel

Incompetence in mathematics is no proof of brilliance. You must be ignorant of science and geography as well. That is the gold standard of American education.

Bauvard

She was every inch the skeletal goddess that had been promised by the bones of her feet.

Jefferson Smith

Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory. ?

Jarod Kintz

The humble Cumulus humilis - never hurt a soul.

Gavin Pretor-Pinney

Oh no. Don't smile. You'll kill me. I stop breathing when you smile.

Tessa Dare

For others, in spite of myself, from myself.

Emmanuel Levinas

No, said Hermione shortly. Have either of you seen my copy of ?Oh, yeah, I borrowed it for a bit of bedtime reading, said Ron, but very quietly.

J.K. Rowling

Humor is tragedy plus time

Mark Twain

Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damagers awards.

Jodi Picoult

I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing...maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry.

J.K. Rowling

I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.

Steven Wright

There ARE people who won't customarily eat an entire row of cookies, or hear food calling their name from other rooms, or who don't grind up food in the garbage disposal for fear of eating it, or get it back out of the garbage so they could eat it. Of course, my binge eating was just a cover-up for the larger issue: Trying to fill the emptiness

SARK

We fiction writers are a brazen lot, are we not? For we, in our passion, embrace just enough truth to consecrate our delicately contrived lies.

Val Edward Simone

Q: But what do you think that the Bible, itself, says? Don't you know how it was arrived at?A: I never made a calculationQ: What do you think?A: I do not think about things I don't think about.Q: Do you think about things you do think about?A: Well, sometimes.

Scopes Trial

An anniversary is the perfect time to celebrate all the missed opportunities to correct a mistake, and even take vows to renew it.

Bauvard

I have seen the very bottom of life: I was so afraid I wouldn't be funny anymore. I just knew that I would lose my zaniness and my sense of humor. But I didn't. Recovery turned out to be a wonderful thing.

Ann Richards

If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!

Terry Pratchett