Browse through our collection of quotes tagged with Funny.
Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.
Matt Groening
When I'm in love, I can't stand anyone.
Stefano Benni
If you want to catch beasts you don't see every day,You have to go places quite out of the way,You have to go places no others can get to.You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too.
Dr. Seuss
If you've done 6 impossible things this morning, why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe?
Douglas Adams
The history of science is everywhere speculative. It is a marvelous hiatory. It makes you proud to be a human being.
Karl R. Popper
I am the broth of love. Make soup to me.
Jarod Kintz
Recent studies have shown that approximately 40% of authors are manic depressive. The rest of us just drink.
Melodie Campbell
Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.
Ellen DeGeneres
Emotional states are fairly quick bursts of neuronal gossip. Traits, on the other hand, are more like the neuronal equivalent of committed relationships.
Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
And once again Mr. Sherlock Holmes is free to devote his life to examining those interesting little problems which the complexity of human life so pletifuly presents.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
I used to think that humor was the only way to appreciate how wonderful and terrible the world is, to celebrate how big life is. But now I think the opposite. Humor is a way of shrinking from that wonderful and terrible world.
Jonathan Safran Foer
Smartass Disciple: Master, what do say about the truth itself ?Master of Stupidity: Like sex, no fun anymore if all is revealed.
Toba Beta
Thats not a bad word, hate and war are bad words, fuck isnt.
Judy Blume
Sometimes the sweetest wine is squeezed from the grapes of wrath
Jack Gallo
It's a lazy Saturday afternoon, there's a couple lying naked in bed reading Encyclopediea Brittannica to each other, and arguing about whether the Andromeda Galaxy is more 'numinous' than the Ressurection. Do they know how to have a good time, or don't they?
Carl Sagan
I would like to allocate more time to dating, though. I need to find a girlfriend. That’s why I need to carve out just a little more time. I think maybe even another five to 10 — how much time does a woman want a week? Maybe 10 hours? That’s kind of the minimum? I don’t know.
Elon Musk
the one that can hurt you the most are the one that you really love
Salman Aditya
On their sofas of spice and feathers, the concubines also slept fretfully. In those days the Earth was still flat, and people dreamed often of falling over edges.
Tom Robbins
Vicodin, I got addicted to that little pill. The reason I don't talk about it too much in the press is because it isn't funny, and I love to be funny in interviews. If you joke about that period in your life, it doesn't seem right.
Matthew Perry
When mice run, cats give chase.
Rachel Vincent
