Funny Quotes

NASA spent millions of dollars inventing the ball-point pen so they could write in space. The Russians took a pencil.

Will Chabot

I grew up once, I decided never to do it again

Benny Bellamacina

The Theist tells us that the truth is the Atheist tells us that the truth is while the truth tells us

Kodai Okuda

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.

George Carlin

We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you

Greg Behrendt

Nothing else matters now that you love me.' - suicide note

Bauvard

I have never met any really wicked person before. I feel rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like every one else.

Oscar Wilde

We lay there and looked up at the night sky and she told me about stars called blue squares and red swirls and I told her I'd never heard of them. Of course not, she said, the really important stuff they never tell you. You have to imagine it on your own.

Brian Andreas

All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money.

RuPaul

Denis could think of no logical reason why he should not attempt to mate with Beth Cooper.There were no laws explicitly against it.They were of the same species, and had complementary sex organs, most likely, based on extensive mental modeling Denis had done.

Larry Doyle

I never talk back. I listen and always remember your every word, so come pen or mouse, never forget that I will treasure your thoughts forever. Yours truly, Paper.

L.M. Fields

If I can't be remembered as one of the greatest authors, why not be remembered as the sexiest writer...

Hans Lindor

All life is in vain, for Death makes a nonsense of pain.

Gasmaskman

When a man isn't married, it takes all the excitement out of the relationship. When a man is married, he just gets clingy and wants to leave his wife for you. That is why the only satisfying love affair a woman can have is with a boy. A boy on the cusp of manhood offers heterogeneous possibilities for monogamous adultery.

Bauvard

I'm not trouble at all. I'm just a guy trying to get a girl to give him the time of day. I'm like every song on the radio.

Hailey Abbott

Women are constantly trying to commit suicide for love, but generally they take care not to succeed.

W. Somerset Maugham

What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?

Charles M. Schulz

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors where it is harder to get a splinter.

Lemony Snicket

I shouldn't believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.

Jasper Fforde

Is it just me, or do you also think this is unnatural behavior in a female parent? Isn't there a federal law that says mothers are not allowed to laugh at vulnerable male children when they are required to wear stupid clothing to work?There should be.

A.E. Cannon