Funny Quotes

You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.

Ellen DeGeneres

My body is tired as worn out rug, but my brain (if i had) is always full of curiosity, jumping around for seeking new funs. If they could learn how to be cooperative each others, my life could be way easier... sigh*

Hiroko Sakai

Life makes fools of all of us sooner or later. But keep your sense of humor and you'll at least be able to take your humiliations with some measure of grace. In the end, you know, its our own expectations that crush us.

Paul Murray

Love is a war of all for all. That is why we must covet our neighbors as ourselves.

Bauvard

Write it. Shoot it. Publish it. Crochet it, sauté it, whatever. MAKE.

Joss Whedon

Earth is sad, Moon is shy, Sun is happy but wait a moment, I just forgot to tell you that I am the child of open sky.

Santosh Kalwar

Aku telah mengidap sakit gila nomor enam belas: yakni penyakit manusia yang membuat dunia sendiri dalam kepalanya, menciptakan masalah-masalahnya sendiri, terpuruk di dalamnya, lalu menyelesaikan masalah-masalah itu, sambil tertawa-tawa, juga sendirian.

Andrea Hirata

All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?

Christopher Moore

Why do relationships have to be so complicated?

Erin Hunter

Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious.

Scott Dikkers

I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit. ?

Jarod Kintz

They told me that nothing was a sin, just a poor life choice. Poor impulse control. That nothing is evil. Any concept of right versus wrong, according to them, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. They said that if anything should force us to modify our personal behavior it should be our allegiance to a social contract, not some vague, externally imposed threat of flaming punishment.

Chuck Palahniuk

? to je našao u tebi, pitala me moja majka?? to si našao u meni?Ne seri.

Vedrana Rudan

If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs).

Jarod Kintz

Sadly, my socks are like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike.

Graham Parke

A good speech is like a miniskirt--long enough to over all the vital parts, short enough to entice and captivate listeners.

Naa Shalman

Love is photogenic, it develops in the dark.

Lorraine Gokul

Every apostle or disciple, as much as they're running to follow their savior- they're running just as hard to escape something else.

Chuck Palahniuk

i realize you cant just throw real gems at ppl...because they think cubic zirconia is the real thing lol

Fee Scott

The sheer quantity of brain power that hurled itself voluntarily and quixotically into the search for new baseball knowledge was either exhilarating or depressing, depending on how you felt about baseball. The same intellectual resources might have cured the common cold, or put a man on Pluto.

Michael Lewis