Funny Quotes

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

Alanis Morissette

I remember listening to the radio as a kid and finding that the songs always made me feel more peaceful. Funny, but the more hurtin' the music was, the better it made me feel. I think of that now when I write my songs. I may not be feelin' the blues myself, but I'm writing them for other people who have a hard life.

Chris Isaak

Movies don't look hard, but figuring it out, getting the shape of it, getting everybody's character right and having it be funny, make sense and be romantic, it's creating a puzzle. Yes, having been a writer for so long, I have an awareness of when things are going awry, but it doesn't mean I know how to fix them.

Nancy Meyers

I tend to head for what's amusing because a lot of things aren't happy. But usually you can find a funny side to practically anything.

Maggie Smith

I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations, it gives them hope in their own life.

Lalu Prasad Yadav

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

Jay London

A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.

Bobby Darin

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Bob Hope

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Steven Wright

Enormous? Did you just call me FAT? I am not fat. - Jace

Cassandra Clare

PRECOGNITION, TELEPATHY, BULLSHIT! EAT MY DONG, YOU EXTRASENSORY TURKEY!

Stephen King

Chuck Parson did not participate in organized sports, because to do so would distract from his larger goal of his life: to one day be convicted of murder

John Green

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

Josh Billings

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

Mitch Hedberg

And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that's funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read, easier to understand, and often stronger. So there's all kinds of advantages to it.

Al Franken

What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you.

Anthony Holden

I'm a big fan of certain new acts. I love any genre of music, and I think it's really great to see that there are new artists coming through. It's kinda funny to think that I'm like the old man on campus now. But I'm really happy for groups like One Direction. I think they're really good guys.

Joe Jonas

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.

Steven Wright

I bought my brother some giftwrap for Christmas. I took it tothe Gift Wrap Department and told them to wrap it, but in adifferent print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

Steven Wright

Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.

Samuel Goldwyn