Browse through our collection of quotes tagged with Funny.
Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?
J.K. Rowling
It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.
John Green
I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy?
Cassandra Clare
Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.
Terry Pratchett
During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy.
Hedy Lamarr
I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain.
Tutti gli animali sono uguali, ma alcuni sono più uguali degli altri
George Orwell
Everytime I read 'Pride and Prejudice' I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.
Mark Twain
Letitia! What a name. Halfway between a salad and a sneeze.
The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the girls. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life.
Seann William Scott
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
My wife's not too smart. I told her our kids were spoiled. she said, all kids smell that way.
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Steven Wright
Oh shit did you just dis the feminine genderI'll pummel your ass then stick you in a blenderYou think I like Tori and Ani so I can't rhymeBut I got flow like Ghostbusters got slimeObjectify women and it's fuckin' onYou'll be dead and gone like ancient Babylon.
I've dated some women who have turned me on to some funny things that are strange for men to actually do, but these things have become part of my process. I think the things I do for my appearance help make me look better. I even colour my hair because I like how it makes me look.
Ryan Seacrest
I think if actors don't think of themselves as funny in real life they think they can't do comedy.
Ben Barnes
I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it.
Audrey Hepburn
I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep.
Jimmy Fallon
