Humor Quotes

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

e. e. cummings

Now that I think about it, maybe he is a werewolf. I can picture him lunging over the moors in hot pursuit of his prey, and I'm certain that he wouldn't think twice about eating an innocent bystander. I'll watch him closely at the next full moon. He's asked me to go dancing tomorrow--perhaps I should wear a high collar. Oh, that's vampires, isn't it? I think I am a little giddy. (After meeting Mr. Markham V. Reynolds, Jr.)

Mary Ann Shaffer

I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regrettedmost of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.

Nora Ephron

Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.?

Jarod Kintz

I've learned that you know your husband still loves you when there are two brownies left and he takes the smaller one.

H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Smartass Disciple: What were you thinking when the truth is revealed unto you?Master of Stupidity: I wasn't thinking. I was having sex when it came to my mind.

Toba Beta

I never wanted to be a painter; I wanted to be a tap dancer.

Andy Warhol

If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.

Bauvard

It don't do you no nevermind to tell nobody nothing.

Thomas Mcguane

While they were saying it couldn't be done, it was done.

Helen Keller

There was something touching about the fact that Murray was dressed almost totally in corduroy.

Don DeLillo

Humor does not rescue us from unhappiness, but enables us to move back from it a little.

Mason Cooley

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me.

Chevy Chase

Love is the hero of all emotions. My love for you is a superhero, and it looks great hidden behind a mask.

Jarod Kintz

Philosophy of science is about as useful to scientists as ornithology is to birds.

Richard P. Feynman

Free your mind from routine, keep your brain somewhere else

Benny Bellamacina

No one believes a liar. Even when she's telling the truth.

Sara Shepard

Every author, however modest, keeps a most outrageous vanity chained like a madman in the padded cell of his breast.

Logan Pearsall Smith

May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch

Keisha Keenleyside

Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that's the truth.

Lily Tomlin