Humor Quotes

I don't know why people are afraid of lust. Then I can imagine that they are very afraid of me, for I have a great lust for everything. A lust for life, a lust for how the summer-heated street feels beneath my feet, a lust for the touch of another's skin on my skin...a lust for everything. I even lust after cake. Yes, I am very lusty and very scary.

C. JoyBell C.

I point out truths when I see them, Brightlord Sadeas. Each man has his place. Mine is to make insults. Yours is to be in-sluts.

Brandon Sanderson

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. So I looked closer.It was made of grass.

Steven Wright

I'm convinced that Theoretical Physicist is just another way of saying BS Artist.

J.C. Cassels

One time I went to a drivein in a taxi cab. The movie cost me$95.

Steven Wright

Have nuts and be nuts.

Criss Jami

Laughter is the hand of God on the shoulder of a troubled world.

Grady Nutt

PISTOL-Say'st thou me so? is that a ton of moys? Come hither, boy: ask me this slave in French What is his name.Boy-Ecoutez: comment etes-vous appele?French Soldier-Monsieur le Fer.Boy- He says his name is Master Fer.PISTOL-Master Fer! I'll fer him, and firk him, and ferret him: discuss the same in French unto him.Boy-I do not know the French for fer, and ferret, and firk.

William Shakespeare

We are really living the American dream, to be a successful brand in the States and in Europe and to steep ourselves in our heritage. But we do it with a sense of humor. We don't take ourselves too seriously in fashion.

Tommy Hilfiger

Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources

Albert Einstein

Gossip is just a tool to distract people who have nothing better to do from feeling jealous of those few of us still remaining with noble hearts.

Anna Godbersen

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

George Carlin

When the management iceberg is shaped like a huge phallus, you know that there are a lot of tossers that the top penguin has had to climb over to reach the tip and that there is no shortage of the same caliber of penguin in the balls and shaft of the corporation, just waiting for their chance to get a spurt to the top. Should I sugar coat this a little more? or tell it like it is?

Daniel Prokop

Under capitalism, man exploits man; while under socialism just the reverse is true.

John Kenneth Galbraith

The best fiction is true.

Kinky Friedman

See what I mean? You gotta be crazy. Ain't no time to be sane.

Robin P. Williams

Comedy keeps the heart sweet.

Mark Twain

What is believed to be a fact is only a fact until another fact supersedes it. Science is only a fashion. Nothing more.

Robert Rankin

They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I ate eleven of them, right in a row. It is rude to take the last cookie.

Lemony Snicket

Falling out of love makes it impossible to leave your children. All you have left is your reputation for their future.

Bauvard