Humor Quotes

I washed mud, off of mud.

Steven Wright

Most horses don't walk backwards voluntarily, because what they can't see doesn't exist.

Terry Pratchett

Why can't I go to Idris with you, then?Because it's not safe for you thereO and it's safe for me here? I've been nearly killed almost a dozen times in the past month.That's because Valentine has been concentrating on the two Mortal Instruments that were here. He's going to shift his focus to Idris now. We all know it--We're hardly as certain of anything as all that. And the Clave wants to meet Clarissa. You know that, Jace.The Clave can screw itself.

Cassandra Clare

I hated sports. I hated sports, and I hated people who played them, and I hated people who watched them, and I hated people who didn't hate people who watched or played them.

John Green

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit.

Steven Wright

You can get through very serious and sometimes horrible and sometimes embarrassing and very awkward situations with humor. It gives us a way out.

Janet Evanovich

Sometimes a scene may be about one thing, and it may end up still being about that, but the emotionality of it comes from somewhere else, or the humor of it comes from somewhere else, and it gives it that real-life quality.

Kyle Chandler

People come up to me as I leave the stage after a performance and tell me tey saw my mother onstage with me every time I sing. I keep a sense of humor about it.

Lorna Luft

Whether it's viewers of the show or readers of my columns and books, I'm consistently impressed with their wit, humor and insight. That goes for about 95 percent of the audience. The other five percent are why the 'Delete' option and restraining orders were invented.

Richard Roeper

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

Steven Wright

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

Ronald Reagan

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

Rodney Dangerfield

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.

Kurt Vonnegut

Blameless people are always the most exasperating.

George Eliot

I genuinely liked all of the cast members very much. Steve had a wicked sense of humor. I remember Russell coming to my rescue, once. I watched Eric evolve before everyone's eyes. Maurice loved what he did, so. He treated his character with respect, down to the costuming.

Madeleine Stowe

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs-jolted by every pebble in the road.

Henry Ward Beecher

I've always chosen my band members based on their sense of humor. It might sound stupid, but it means not only are they fun to live with on a tour bus for years, but humor implies intelligence.

Kristin Hersh

When you say a friend has a sense of humor do you mean that he makes you laugh, or that he can make you laugh?

Max Frisch

We're starting to push the envelope in terms of the expectations, and you can also have your own style, personality and sense of humor, because now we're allowed to.

Lisa Guerrero

Dali had a good sense of humor - obviously you could tell just looking at him he was funny.

Joe Grant