Humor Quotes

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.

Albert Einstein

The great thing about university is that they incline you to get up and do it, from the Classics to modern plays, to the humor that Monty Pythons made popular.

Michael York

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

Steven Wright

Jazz can be so serious, no sense of humor.

Chad Smith

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law.

Dick Clark

I think superheroes are heroes with flaws, and in their flaws, there is a sense of humor.

Peter Segal

I am a great believer that what makes our show different is the humor.

Treat Williams

I suppose I miss the British cynicism and the humor.

Rod Stewart

True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.

Thomas Carlyle

I think that some books are more successful than others to certain readers. People who read my books for the humor, they're going to love one book. People who read my books for the mystery, they might not like that book quite as much.

Janet Evanovich

Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.

Frank Muir

Suspense is very important. Even though this is humor and they're short stories, that theory of building suspense is still there.

Sergio Aragones

Were it not for my little jokes, I could not bear the burdens of this office.

Abraham Lincoln

If toast always lands butterside down, and cats always land ontheir feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a catand drop it?

Steven Wright

But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armorers had made a new gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armor. It was gilt by association.

Terry Pratchett

When I was eight, I played Little League. I was on first; Istole third; I went straight across. Earlier that week, Ilearned that the shortest distance between two points was adirect line. I took advantage of that knowledge.

Steven Wright

I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out. But I only nibble onit. I make the holes bigger.

Steven Wright

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

Steven Wright

I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow init. You know, you turn it upside down then you turn it back andit starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plowthat does it in rows.

Steven Wright

Good crowd...good crowd. I'm telling you I could use a good crowd. I'm OK now but last week I was in rough shape... Why? I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Rodney Dangerfield