Humor Quotes

I think I've learned that if you want to be successful, you have to tell your story honestly and from your heart - and I think a healthy sense of humor doesn't hurt either.

Dorothea Benton Frank

I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.

Rodney Dangerfield

I knew a girl that was so ugly that... I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

Rodney Dangerfield

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Steven Wright

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little picturesof cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around incircles.

Steven Wright

I listen to the police band on my CB radio. Once I dialed 911and dedicated a crime to my girlfriend.

Steven Wright

GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.

Ambrose Bierce

Laughter, and the broader category of humor, are key elements in helping us go on with our life after a loss.

Allen Klein

Montana was naked, and so was Billy, of course. He had a tremendous wang, incidentally. You never know who'll get one.

Kurt Vonnegut

It is a commonplace that the history of civilisation is largely the history of weapons. In particular, the connection between the discovery of gunpowder and the overthrow of feudalism by the bourgeoisie has been pointed out over and over again. And though I have no doubt exceptions can be brought forward, I think the following rule would be found to be generally true that ages in which the dominant weapon is expensive or difficult to make will be ages of despotism, whereas when the dominant weapon is cheap and simple, the common people have a chance. Thus, for example, tanks, battleships and bombing planes are inherently tyrannical weapons, while rifles, muskets, longbows and handgrenades are inherently democratic weapons. A complex weapon makes the strong stronger, while a simple weapon so long as there is no answer to it gives claws to the weak.

George Orwell

Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

Rodney Dangerfield

People of humor are always in some degree people of genius.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.

Kurt Vonnegut

I got myself good this morning too. I did my push ups in the nude...but I didn't see the mouse trap.

Rodney Dangerfield

You can laugh! But people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!

J.K. Rowling

We seemed to be trapped in an episode of One Life To Waste. It's all very dull.

Cassandra Clare

Lord Henry Wotton: I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

Oscar Wilde

Using no control and using humor will build a relationship and make a dent to where the client puts the counselor in their quality world and then begins to relate and seek out the counselor. Effective therapy begins with the acceptance of the therapist into the client's quality world.

William Glasser

All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God.

Voltaire

i told you he'd freak out, she siad. didn't i?ah, the i told you so, jace said. always a classy move

Cassandra Clare