Browse through our collection of quotes tagged with Funny.
The most incomprehensible thing in the world to a man, is a woman who rejects his offer of marriage!
Jane Austen
Parvati positively beamed. Harry could tell that she was feeling guilty for having laughed at Hermione in Transfiguration. He looked around and saw that Hermione was beaming back, if possible even more brightly. Girls were very strange sometimes.
J.K. Rowling
The Jabalites .... They worship no god; and if we in goodness of heart do send a missionary to show them the way of life, they listen with respect to all he hath to say, and then they eat him. This doth tend to hinder the spread of light.
Mark Twain
Things just happen, one after another. They don't care who knows. But ... ah, history is different. History has to be observed. Otherwise it's not history. It's just... well, things happening one after another.
Terry Pratchett
The sky is falling. The sun is rising.
Steven Wright
"Who are the true philosophers you have in mind?" he asked. "Sightseers of the truth" I answered. "That must be right, but what exactly does it mean?" he asked.
Plato
What I don't like is when I see stuff that I know has had a lot of improv done or is playing around where there's no purpose to the scene other than to just be funny. What you don't want is funny scene, funny scene, funny scene, and now here's the epiphany scene and then the movie's over.
Paul Feig
It raises my spleen more than anything.
I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they hada kaleidoscope. We're surrounded.
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Rodney Dangerfield
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Hermione launched herself forwards and started punching every inch of him that she could reach.'Ouch ow gerroff! What the ? Hermione OW!'You complete arse Ronald Weasley!She punctuated every word with a blow: Ron backed away, shielding his head as Hermione advanced.
While an author is yet living we estimate his powers by his worst performance, and when he is dead we rate them by his best.
Samuel Johnson
I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, Hello, Information. I said, I can't find my socks. She said, They're behind the couch. And they were!
It's funny - if you impersonate somebody, they have no idea it's them.
Tracey Ullman
The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it.
Arthur Smith
You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality!
John Green
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... Thestudy of milkmen.
It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?
To come with a well-informed mind is to come with an inability of administering to the vanity of others, which a sensible person would always wish to avoid. A woman especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.
