Funny Quotes

You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.

Colin Quinn

Comedy is not funny. Comedy is hard work and timing and lots and lots of rehearsals.

Larry Hagman

If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.

Calvin Trillin

At the end of the day it's got to be a good movie, it's got to be a funny movie, and it's got to make people think, 'Hey, I couldn't have spent my time any better.'

Tom Hanks

It used to be that you had to make female TV characters perfect so no one would be offended by your 'portrayal' of women. Even when I started out on 'The Office' eight years ago, we could write our male characters funny and flawed, but not the women. And now, thankfully, it's completely different.

Mindy Kaling

It's funny, because I'm a man of strong opinions and when I make one, I stand by it even if it starts to appear incorrect to me after a while.

Danny Bonaduce

Comedy is so subjective. You could be in a room with 400 people laughing at a joke and you could just not think it's funny. You're just sitting there like, 'Am I in the twilight zone? Why is everyone laughing?' It's such a personal thing. People have such a personal visceral response to comedy.

Todd Phillips

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Walt Disney

Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one.

Jimmy Fallon

It's funny, growing up there was never anybody around me with any kind of artistic bent.

Nick Offerman

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain.

Rick Baker

I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host.

David Letterman

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

Bertrand Russell

The only thing I know of whose shortened form — www — takes three times longer to say than what it's short for.

Douglas Adams

That sounds terrific, thought Cary, just you, your comatose wife your shell-shocked son, and your daughter who hates your guts. Not to mention that your two kids may be in love with each other. Yeah, that sounds like a perfect family reunion.

Cassandra Clare

Once somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. she said No, but I did get the license number.

Rodney Dangerfield

[Thine] face is not worth sunburning.

William Shakespeare

You have something on your neck. What Looks like a bite mark, what were you doing out all night, anyway? Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head. And ran into a vampire What? No! I fell. On your neck?

Cassandra Clare

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at theroulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Steven Wright

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brickwallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only onewho knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, Go ahead, touchit... It feels real.

Steven Wright