Funny Quotes

I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad.

Moon Unit Zappa

I frequently observe that one pretty face would be followed by five and thirty frights.

Jane Austen

Either this wallpaper goes, or I do.(Oscar Wilde's dying words)

Oscar Wilde

I have three kids, one of each.

Rodney Dangerfield

I used to say I wanted somebody funny and intelligent, but kindness is the most important quality in a man.

Cat Deeley

It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free.

Terry Pratchett

Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.

Graham Norton

Even as a kid I was never the generator of humor, but I always knew who was funny, who to hang out with.

Andrew Stanton

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

Rodney Dangerfield

It's harder to be funny if you're handsome than if you're very normal-looking. It's just more relatable. You're the underdog. I mean it's funny to see people struggle, and you don't buy that Brad Pitt is struggling, you know that guy could be the most skill-less guy in the world, but if you look like that you will be fine for the rest of your life.

Jonah Hill

I got the wake-up call that no one is policing our oceans. I wondered, how can I do anything? What really can I do to make things better? There are some perks to being a celebrity. My job is to be funny once in a while, but it's my responsibility to make good use of it.

Angela Kinsey

fine, go ahead. kiss me right now.alec stared in horror.exactly. despite my staggering good looks, you actually don't like me that way

Cassandra Clare

It's funny recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child.

Dave Grohl

Be obscure clearly.

E. B. White

I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.

Steven Wright

I got a chain letter by FAX. It's very simple. You just FAX adollar bill to everybody on the list.

Steven Wright

At least my happiness doesn't depend on Ron's goalkeeping ability.

J.K. Rowling

1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America for hundreds of years before that. 1492 was simply the year sea pirates began to rob, cheat, and kill them.

Kurt Vonnegut

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.

Terry Pratchett

While the Clave disapproves of trespassers, oddly they take an even darker view of beheading and skinning people. They're peculiar that way.

Cassandra Clare