Humor Quotes

It's cloaked in cultural mumbo jumbo, but I assure you that it is very hard science.

Jonathan Maberry

The problem is, or rather one of the problems, for there are many, a sizeable proportion of which are continually clogging up the civil, commercial, and criminal courts in all areas of the Galaxy, and especially, where possible, the more corrupt ones, this.The previous sentence makes sense. That is not the problem.This is:Change.Read it through again and you'll get it.

Douglas Adams

Disappointment came to me,and booted me,and bruised and hurt me,but that's how people grow up.

Morrissey

There are no things man was not meant to know. There are, perhaps, things man is too dumb to figure out, but that's a different problem.

Michael Kurland

The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.

Mark Twain

Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar andasked her, Do you live around here often? She said, You'rewearing two different colored socks. I said, Yes, but to methey're the same because I go by thickness. Then she asked,How do you feel? and I said, Well, you know when you'resitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legsthen you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the lastsecond you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

Steven Wright

Well, in the first place girls never marry the men they flirt with. Girls don't think it right.

Oscar Wilde

Poor woman! She probably thought change of air might agree with many of her children.

Jane Austen

Love will make a man do some funny things, like tightrope walking across a telephone wire, rather than simply picking up the phone to call or text.

Jarod Kintz

Even people that I agree with can do something that would be a target for a bit of humor.

Jonathan Shapiro

Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play thefool no where but in's own house.

William Shakespeare

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

Douglas Adams

Puns are a form of humor with words.

Guillermo Cabrera Infante

I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with a blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.

Mark Twain

pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower!

John Green

Life is and will ever remain an equation incapable of solution, but it contains certain known factors.

Nikola Tesla

Life sucks, and then you die...

Stephenie Meyer

By all means continue destroying my possessions. I daresay I have too many.

J.K. Rowling

Oh, well, faint heart never won so much as a scrap of paper

Dorothy L. Sayers

A photographer is like a cod, which produces a million eggs in order that one may reach maturity.

George Bernard Shaw