Humor Quotes

Will speechless for once, a glass of water frozen halfway to his lips

Cassandra Clare

People do not deserve good writing, they are so pleased with bad.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

If they look as though they're worried, we'll move in.''And do what exactly?' said Polly.'Threaten to shoot them,' said Maladict firmly.'And if they don't believe us?''Then we'll threaten to shoot them ,' said Maladict. 'Happy? And I hope to hell they've got some coffee!

Terry Pratchett

No good deed goes unpunished.

Oscar Wilde

Would you like a cough drop Dolores?

J.K. Rowling

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.

Terry Pratchett

It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.

Neil Gaiman

Of course, everyone's parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory. The nature of parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as it is the nature of children of a certain age to cringe with embarrassment, shame, and mortification should their parents so much as speak to them on the street.

Neil Gaiman

Which of the Himalayas is the shortest?

Steven Wright

I think that sense of humor is important in marriage. A sense of humor gets people through marriage.

Connie Britton

The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.

Terry Pratchett

It's great to be able to connect parents with children both emotionally and through humor. I look forward to exploring family entertainment once again and examining the specifics of our day-to-day lives against the backdrop of an extraordinary adventure.

Jon Favreau

A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing.

Samuel Butler

Humor is the ability to see three sides to one coin.

Ned Rorem

The original Mickey Mouse cartoon was in Mouse, with Englishsubtitles.

Steven Wright

The best scary movies have great humor in them and a great story.

Stephen Sommers

If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.

Kurt Vonnegut

I know how to use a fellytone now.

J.K. Rowling

When we come face-to-face with one down a dark alley, we're going to be having a shufti to see if it's solid, aren't we, we're not going to be asking, 'Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?

J.K. Rowling

The sky already fell. Now what?

Steven Wright