Browse through our collection of quotes tagged with Funny.
Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride - where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation.
Jane Austen
A travel agent offered me a 21 day special. He told me I would fly from New York to London. Then from Tokyo back to New York. I asked him...how am I supposed to get from London to Tokyo? He told me That is why we give you 21 days.
Rodney Dangerfield
The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life.
Oscar Wilde
Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs.
J.K. Rowling
Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked.How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee?
John Green
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now.But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour? Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long...
I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious.
Molly Ivins
And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy...I'd have nothing to play with!
One day as I came home early from work I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, Hey buddy . . . why are you doing that? He said, Because you came home early.
He was a dying man looking down on the surgeons trying to save him.
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.
George Bernard Shaw
Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side!
Terry Pratchett
Jim Carrey, a comic genius, has a harder time overcoming the public's desire for him to be funny simply because he's so good at it.
Ben Stiller
Be one of the crowd? It went against everything a wizard stood for, and a wizard would not stand for anything if he could sit down for it, but even sitting down, you had to stand out.
If something is going to happen to me, I want to be there.
Albert Camus
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.
We live in a funny time. If you don't go corporate, you can't compete. You're relegated as irrelevant. People used to admire that.
Ethan Hawke
