Funny Quotes

It's interesting that whenever I meet some of the other Bond girls, I always have something in common, and it is an interesting sorority. We all share about our Bonds. 'Did your Bond do that?' 'Yes mine did!' So it is quite funny conversations. We may as well be in high school.

Jane Seymour

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

Thomas Sowell

My school colors were clear. We used to say, I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

Steven Wright

I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact.

Oscar Wilde

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.

Mark Twain

Or -- and this she knew was a far more accurate way of looking at it -- the book was true and reality was lying.

Terry Pratchett

The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rosetwice. Everything had two shadows.

Steven Wright

Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.

Oscar Wilde

I knew a girl that was so fat that when guys had sex with her they had to ask for directions.

Rodney Dangerfield

The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.

Terry Pratchett

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she wore a CROSS YOUR THIGHS bra.

Rodney Dangerfield

A robber? In the trash bins? Honestly, Wes. This is Salem Falls, not the set of Law and Order.

Jodi Picoult

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Mark Twain

There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous andshallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what youknow ain't so'.

Mark Twain

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over andreturned a cup of sugar. You didn't borrow this. I will.

Steven Wright

For if it is rash to walk into a lion's den unarmed, rash to navigate the Atlantic in a rowing boat, rash to stand on one foot on top of St. Paul's, it is still more rash to go home alone with a poet.

Virginia Woolf

Humor must not professedly teach, and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. By forever, I mean thirty years.

Mark Twain

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.

Steven Wright

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

Mark Twain

It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?'

Ice Cube