Browse through our collection of quotes tagged with Humor.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Steven Wright
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Going round and around inside a dryer can be fatal, whereas pasta is rarely fatal. Unless Isabelle makes it.
Cassandra Clare
This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger.
Mark Twain
That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery.
Stephen King
Pasteboard pies and paper flowers are being banished from the stage by the growth of that power of accurate observation which is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it....
George Bernard Shaw
He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy...
J.K. Rowling
Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
Rodney Dangerfield
He shivered. His coat was thin, and it was obvious he would not get his kiss, which he found puzzling. The manly heroes of the penny dreadfuls and shilling novels never had these problems getting kissed.
Neil Gaiman
Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.
Jane Austen
An Assassin, a real Assassin had to look like one-black clothes, hood, boots, and all. If they could wear any clothes, any disguise, then what could anyone do but spend all day in a small room with a loaded crossbow pointed at the door?
Terry Pratchett
Gags die, humor doesn't.
Jack Benny
Progress just means bad things happen faster.
The judge asked, What do you plead? I said, Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?
I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.
The waltz is a very important part of my life. It's a very important way for me to express my positiveness, bringing humor to the world.
Andre Rieu
I suppose I look for humor in most situations because it humanizes things it makes a character much more three-dimensional if there's some kind of humor. Not necessarily laugh-out-loud type of stuff, just a sense that there is a humorous edge to things. I do like that.
Colm Meaney
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Humor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.
Stephen Leacock
