Browse through our collection of quotes tagged with Humor.
Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
Dorothy Parker
There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
In the 'Hurt Locker' there's a lot of me in there, a sense of humor, a man of few words and a lot of action.
Jeremy Renner
If you can get humor and seriousness at the same time, you've created a special little thing, and that's what I'm looking for, because if you get pompous, you lose everything.
Paul Simon
It's your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don't take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver.
Betty White
Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks
Rodney Dangerfield
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
Musical comedies aren't written, they are rewritten.
Stephen Sondheim
Church was doing what he often did when dropped - lying on his back with all four legs in the air, pretending to be dead in order to induce guilt in his owners.
Cassandra Clare
I knew a girl that was so ugly that... She was known as a two bagger. That's when a girl is so ugly that you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks
One day...as I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy...Hey buddy...why are you doing that for? He said..Because you came home early.
You're a monster.Thanks. Does this mean I get a raise?No, just a medal. The budget isn't inexhaustable.
Orson Scott Card
The sun got confused about day
Steven Wright
My Head of House said I lacked certain necessary qualities...like the ability to behave myself.
J.K. Rowling
One knows so well the popular idea of health: the English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the unbeatable.
Oscar Wilde
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Mark Twain
The most incomprehensible thing in the world to a man, is a woman who rejects his offer of marriage!
Jane Austen
One of my pet peeves is that sometimes the talents of my band get overlooked because, and it was the same problem that Frank Zappa had, with a lot of groups that use humor, people don't realize there's a lot of craft behind the comedy.
Al Yankovic
Parvati positively beamed. Harry could tell that she was feeling guilty for having laughed at Hermione in Transfiguration. He looked around and saw that Hermione was beaming back, if possible even more brightly. Girls were very strange sometimes.
