Browse through our collection of quotes tagged with Humor.
The Jabalites .... They worship no god; and if we in goodness of heart do send a missionary to show them the way of life, they listen with respect to all he hath to say, and then they eat him. This doth tend to hinder the spread of light.
Mark Twain
Things just happen, one after another. They don't care who knows. But ... ah, history is different. History has to be observed. Otherwise it's not history. It's just... well, things happening one after another.
Terry Pratchett
The sky is falling. The sun is rising.
Steven Wright
It raises my spleen more than anything.
Jane Austen
I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they hada kaleidoscope. We're surrounded.
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Rodney Dangerfield
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Hermione launched herself forwards and started punching every inch of him that she could reach.'Ouch ow gerroff! What the ? Hermione OW!'You complete arse Ronald Weasley!She punctuated every word with a blow: Ron backed away, shielding his head as Hermione advanced.
J.K. Rowling
I like bawdy humor. I love bawdy humor, but not dirty humor.
Betty White
I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, Hello, Information. I said, I can't find my socks. She said, They're behind the couch. And they were!
The comic and the tragic lie inseparably close, like light and shadow.
Socrates
I realize that humor isn't for everyone. It's only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive.
Anne Wilson Schaef
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? All the rest of you, if you
John Lennon, Royal Variety Perfo
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... Thestudy of milkmen.
It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?
Bad humor is an evasion of reality good humor is an acceptance of it.
Malcolm Muggeridge
A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Ambrose Bierce
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
The sign said eight items or less. So I changed my name toLes.
